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On the C2C between Barking and Fenchurch Street there is one carriage that contains the touchpad WC. It is like a tardis & as such, nobody knows how to use it. Everybody knows you should never take a dump in a tardis.

If Milton as a boy wanted to read late his father made sure the maid sat up with him until after Midnight Think about what I did as a kid when I should have slept: Watched the trees over the railway embankment pillaging the wind. The face of the sleepless rag-girl opposite, awake in her window, looking out at us - Jody her name was. She had a wooden horse made from a broom, would eat dog-dirt for dares & once - eating our plasticine - threw up all over our guinea pig 'Arthur'. Bored, we retired to computer games - Jody watched our room strobe & flash like a dodgem's blackbox. When the night trains went past the screens seemed to break.